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Embracing the risk of your future happiness is essential to each and every relationship you choose into. Romantic relationships, business relationships, family relationships, friend relationships, and even relationships with man’s best friend are all subject to a level of risk.
How do you rank as a risk taker when it comes to relationships?
Are you comfortable with risk or does risk limit your experience?
Imagine your optimal experience in each of your key relationships, and then, imagine yourself as the optimal partner in all of these relationships. In my experience, most of the people who I have coached tend to look at the criteria they would like in an ideal relationship and fail to look at themselves as the ideal partner.
Examining yourself as a partner is risky. There may be skeletons rattling around the dark corners of your life experience which remind you of all of your worst moments. This is no easy task. The key to self assessment is objectivity. Addressing those parts of yourself from the observer’s position you are able to reconcile and improve behaviors that are not in line with your ideas of an optimal partner. This new level of awareness combined with a desire to be a better version of yourself in your relationships creates an environment primed to bring you closer to finding more ideal qualities in your key relationships.
When a relationship is just not progressing the way you envisioned and you are making the changes necessary to become a more ideal partner, consider that you may of skipped a step. In the case of moving energy “walking before you crawl” is the exception not the rule. It is important to assess if the relationship is not progressing because the risk is still too high for you and turning your focus to trust building activities. When people come together they generally have something in common. Hobbies, interests, DNA, and common goals. Most relationships get snagged when there has not been enough emphasis on trust building activities before getting involved in each other’s habitual activities of daily living which then breeds frustration and boredom instead of passion and adventure. Trust building activities are activities where one partner has more experience than the other and leads the adventure into the unknown or uncomfortable. These activities are vital to demonstrating safety, building trust and confidence, and displaying a level of vulnerability as a partner required to develop a deep connection.
Consider the strengths and weaknesses in your current relationships.
How many of these can be traced back to well developed common interests, hobbies, goals or strong family ties?
How many of these can be traced back to well developed trust building activities where you allowed yourself to be vulnerable and open to being led through uncomfortable experiences where you had to rely on someone else’s experience or knowledge?
Which relationships would benefit from a good dose of trust?
Prepare yourself for more deeply connected relationships by spending some time in the morning as you are waking and in the evening just before you drift off to dream land to use your imagination and visualize yourself as the ideal partner in each of your key relationships. Focus on as many details as you can develop paying special attention to your thoughts, emotions, and actions as the ideal partner. Let the emotions permeate each cell of your body and your thoughts to move to each part of your brain using your senses to fill in the details.
Plan activities that can be accomplished over the coming week which will provide opportunities for each member of the relationship to be the lead on an adventure where trust, confidence and vulnerability are demonstrated.
When you feel your past experiences creeping into your thoughts, gently let them go. Remind yourself what you are creating through the work to become an ideal partner and allow your mind to create new connections between experiences, emotions, images, words and actions using pictures and affirming statements.
Track your progress in a journal you have designated to compile evidence of your improvement. As you reflect don’t be shy about patting yourself on the back when you have moved closer to your optimal experience. Equally important is taking this opportunity to identify where you may improve further. Just like skin, healthy skin is revealed as dead skin cells slough off and with attention and care new skin cells regenerate to maintain a youthful and vibrant appearance. As you progress you slough off the old you, reveal the new you, and with care and attention you maintain a youthful vibrant life experience.
I am interested in your success in living your optimal lifestyle. I would love to hear about your successes, your failures, and your quandaries. Tweet @lyfemethod to share your experiences as you practice this new skill.
To your health, wealth, and success
Aristotle found that more than anything else sought by humans was happiness. Happiness is sought after for it’s own sake, other goals like health, wealth, and success are valued on the level of how much more happiness we will have.
“Happiness is not something that happens. It does not depend on outside events, but, rather on how we interpret them. Happiness… is a condition that must be prepared for, cultivated, and defended privately by each person” – Csikszentmihalyi
People who learn to control their inner experience are able to determine the quality of their lives and come as close to happiness as anyone can.