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Oi Vey! #relationship-risk

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Embracing the risk of your future happiness is essential to each and every relationship you choose into. Romantic relationships, business relationships, family relationships, friend relationships, and even relationships with man’s best friend are all subject to a level of risk.

How do you rank as a risk taker when it comes to relationships?  

Are you comfortable with risk or does risk limit your experience? 

Imagine your optimal experience in each of your key relationships, and then, imagine yourself as the optimal partner in all of these relationships. In my experience, most of the people who I have coached tend to look at the criteria they would like in an ideal relationship and fail to look at themselves as the ideal partner.

Examining yourself as a partner is risky. There may be skeletons rattling around the dark corners of your life experience which remind you of all of your worst moments. This is no easy task. The key to self assessment is objectivity.  Addressing those parts of yourself from the observer’s position you are able to reconcile and improve behaviors that are not in line with your ideas of an optimal partner. This new level of awareness combined with a desire to be a better version of yourself in your relationships creates an environment primed to bring you closer to finding more ideal qualities in your key relationships.

When a relationship is just not progressing the way you envisioned and you are making the changes necessary to become a more ideal partner, consider that you may of skipped a step. In the case of moving energy “walking before you crawl” is the exception not the rule. It is important to assess if the relationship is not progressing because the risk is still too high for you and turning your focus to trust building activities. When people come together they generally have something in common. Hobbies, interests, DNA, and common goals. Most relationships get snagged when there has not been enough emphasis on trust building activities before getting involved in each other’s habitual activities of daily living which then breeds frustration and boredom instead of passion and adventure. Trust building activities are activities where one partner has more experience than the other and leads the adventure into the unknown or uncomfortable. These activities are vital to demonstrating safety, building trust and confidence, and displaying a level of vulnerability as a partner required to develop a deep connection.

Consider the strengths and weaknesses in your current relationships.

How many of these can be traced back to well developed common interests, hobbies, goals or strong family ties?

How many of these can be traced back to well developed trust building activities where you allowed yourself to be vulnerable and open to being led through uncomfortable experiences where you had to rely on someone else’s experience or knowledge?

Which relationships would benefit from a good dose of trust?

Prepare yourself for more deeply connected relationships by spending some time in the morning as you are waking and in the evening just before you drift off to dream land to use your imagination and visualize yourself as the ideal partner in each of your key relationships. Focus on as many details as you can develop paying special attention to your thoughts, emotions, and actions as the ideal partner. Let the emotions permeate each cell of your body and your thoughts to move to each part of your brain using your senses to fill in the details.

Plan activities that can be accomplished over the coming week which will provide opportunities for each member of the relationship to be the lead on an adventure where trust, confidence and vulnerability are demonstrated.

When you feel your past experiences creeping into your thoughts, gently let them go. Remind yourself what you are creating through the work to become an ideal partner and allow your mind to create new connections between experiences, emotions, images, words and actions using pictures and affirming statements.

Track your progress in a journal you have designated to compile evidence of your improvement. As you reflect don’t be shy about patting yourself on the back when you have moved closer to your optimal experience. Equally important is taking this opportunity to identify where you may improve further. Just like skin, healthy skin is revealed as dead skin cells slough off and with attention and care new skin cells regenerate to maintain a youthful and vibrant appearance. As you progress you slough off the old you, reveal the new you, and with care and attention you maintain a youthful vibrant life experience.

I am interested in your success in living your optimal lifestyle. I would love to hear about your successes, your failures, and your quandaries.   Tweet @lyfemethod to share your experiences as you practice this new skill.

To your health, wealth, and success

Elle

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Method and Madness #lyfemethod

by Elle Eyre

People get stuck living day to day and avoid getting excited about life. No one want to set themselves up for disappointment or failure. The majority are setting expectations and goals just within reach so that they don’t fail, too badly. I have been one of these people. I have felt grand disappointment and the heartache that follows. I have felt the depression, the anger, and the frustration of wanting more but it being seemingly out of reach.

Overwhelmed by life taking it a day at a time something inside of me called out saying that this is a big problem and that I had more potential, more to accomplish, more experience. My generous heart was wasting away becoming smaller and smaller each day. To avoid becoming as the Grinch who stole Christmas I set out to create a solution, not only for myself, but for others. I had found in my work in fitness that there were a lot of people who struggled to want for more because they felt restricted by what was.

After many years of research and practice on hundreds of people I found several trends in success and failure. I found that the brain, body, and internal soul all have their roles, and that there were practices out there that were being used separately, but when combined they were like super powers. The LYFE Method is a combination of these practices into one super power to solve problems that are overwhelming and turn them into building blocks for success.

In the LYFE Method we use a lot of imagination, pictures, and progressive behaviors in an order that matches the organic functions of all humans. The Method helps you to get ideas out of your head, onto paper, sort them out, make decisions about what you want to gain, discard the unnecessary parts, make plans, and implement strategies that accomplish what you want to accomplish in easy to manage action steps. The Method helps you to connect all of your activities to the desire of your heart.

The imagery that is used in the Method make your brain happy. Pictures help you think, make better decisions faster, help you to communicate your ideas, decisions and visions to those who can help you reach your goals. The Method can be used to make decisions, develop goals, and communicate in all areas of your life. When it is a mechanism that helps you to see where you are in your progression quickly giving you insight to what is happening in your internal and external world. You become better equipped to handle situations and resolve issues with others in constructive and positive ways.

Most of us are disorganized in one area or another inside or out. If you can imagine a closet packed with everything you didn’t want your company to see when they came over, added before each visit, but never unpacked this would represent the unorganized areas inside as well. We go through many situations that cause us to have feelings, thoughts, and actions that are stored and used as reference by our brains and every cell in our bodies. Life gets busy and we don’t clean out the closet and don’t create habits of keeping things up so that the house is ready for company without having to shove things into that closet in a back room. Soon the closet bulges, the door doesn’t close all of the way, soon stuff is stacked in front of the door, and soon no one cares if the company sees the mess and apathy creeps in. When the desire arises to take care of the situation it is overwhelming and takes a lot of internal motivation to get it done mainly because you are looking at the whole mess and not its parts.

When there is a part of your life that gets to be like this closet the LYFE Method helps you to approach the situation in a way that doesn’t put your system into overload beginning with processes taught on Sesame Street.

  1. Organize the parts using pictures and group them into senses, feelings, thoughts, and actions.
  2. Remove the parts that you won’t need to accomplish the project at hand.
  3. Visualize the finished and organized product.
  4. From the visualization identify how each of the senses, feelings, thoughts, and actions were used to create the desired result.
  5. Remove any senses, feelings, thoughts, and actions left in the groups that were not used.
  6. Reorganize the parts and assign them to their roles.
  7. In short three-step lists write down the actions that can be done weekly to complete the project.
  8. Evaluate your progress each week and make adjustments to your action lists until the project is complete.

Of course it takes the different tools and resources to complete different projects or different parts of the same project depending on how big the project is. The LYFE Method is taught in a series of progressive classes and workshops giving you instruction and practice with each of the tools so that you will have the ability to put them to work for you right away. Our intention is to provide tools and resources to people who are ready to make improvements to their life, optimize their lifestyle, and experience health, wealth and success.

Emotion Flashcards for Grownups

Part 1: Identify

Emotional intelligence is an important aspect to the evolution of your inner rockstar.

Emotional intelligence or EI is not about being happy or sad but what you do when you are happy or sad and how you transition from emotion to emotion. Webster’s New World Dictionary describes intelligence as, “a) ability to learn or understand from experience: ability to acquire and retain knowledge; mental ability, b) use of the faculty of reason in solving problems, directing conduct, c)measured success in using these abilities.”   According to PsychologyToday.com Dr. John D Mayer emotional intelligence is awareness of how we get from one emotion to another and how choose to get in and out of emotions.  Dan Goleman, in his article, “Are Women More Emotionally Intelligent than Men?” says, “Emotional Intelligence has four parts: self-awareness, managing our emotions, empathy, and social skill.”

Emotional Intelligence is about actions taken upon an emotional event.

Successful men and women are equally emotionally intelligence contrary to popular opinion. There are many undefined human emotions. Experts have created a short list of 23 emotions that is seemingly applicable, easy to identify with and to use.

  1. Joy/ Knowledge/ Empowerment
  2. Contentment
  3. Doubt
  4. Hatred/ Rage
  5. Passion
  6. Boredom
  7. Worry
  8. Jealousy
  9. Enthusiasm/ Eagerness/ Happiness
  10. Pessimism
  11. Blame
  12. Insecurity/ Guilt
  13. Positive Expectations/ Belief
  14. Frustration/ Irritation/ Impatience
  15. Discouragement
  16. Unworthiness
  17. Optimism
  18. Overwhelmed
  19. Anger
  20. Fear/ Grief/ Depression/ Despair / Powerlessness
  21. Hopefulness
  22. Disappointment
  23. Revenge

Proficiency in emotional control comes from practice like learning to drive a car.

Remember learning to read with flashcards? You learned to identify a car by its illustrated picture symbol on the flashcard with the letters c-a-r in bold type beneath it. Each time you rode in a car you were reminded of this symbol word connection. After what probably seemed like an eternity you were able to take driver’s education. With practice in simulators and on the road you learned how to drive. The challenges of learning the visual landmarks that identified our route home, to school, or your favorite hangout was overcome in time. It was only a matter of time before you became proficient in our driving skills and could successfully drive while thinking about other things besides the mechanics of driving. Emotional intelligence comes with practice and with practice comes proficiency. After a short while new emotional connections and desired responses to events will become automatic.

The key is to slow the process down enough to identify with each emotion.

People move through several emotions at a time as they sort an event. Is not reasonable to expect to go from depression to joy seamlessly. However, it is reasonable to move effectively from depression to say, discouragement or even anger.

Emotional Intelligence can be improved in three easy steps.

  1. Notice how you are feeling right now.
  2. Identify a feel that you desire more than the one you are currently feeling.
  3. Remember a time when you felt the desired feeling or imagine what it would feel like and soak in as much detail as you can paying close attention to the details. Remain in the desired feeling as long as possible as often as possible until it has become your current feeling.

Emotions can be a guide to how to evaluate events and empower our choices about how we respond.

Just like flashcards are effective in learning how to read and understand our world through language; emotional awareness is effective in learning how to use our emotions as a guide to understanding our responses to events.

Related PsychologyToday.com Links:

What Emotional Intelligence is and is not http://www.psychologytoday.com/collections/201111/what-is-your-emotional-iq/what-emotional-intelligence-is-and-is-not

Are Women More Emotionally Intelligent Than Men? http://www.psychologytoday.com/collections/201111/emotional-intelligence/are-women-more-emotionally-intelligent-men

What is Your Emotional Intelligence? http://www.psychologytoday.com/collections/201111/what-is-your-emotional-iq/which-you-which-intelligence