Embracing the risk of your future happiness is essential to each and every relationship you choose into. Romantic relationships, business relationships, family relationships, friend relationships, and even relationships with man’s best friend are all subject to a level of risk.
How do you rank as a risk taker when it comes to relationships?
Are you comfortable with risk or does risk limit your experience?
Imagine your optimal experience in each of your key relationships, and then, imagine yourself as the optimal partner in all of these relationships. In my experience, most of the people who I have coached tend to look at the criteria they would like in an ideal relationship and fail to look at themselves as the ideal partner.
Examining yourself as a partner is risky. There may be skeletons rattling around the dark corners of your life experience which remind you of all of your worst moments. This is no easy task. The key to self assessment is objectivity. Addressing those parts of yourself from the observer’s position you are able to reconcile and improve behaviors that are not in line with your ideas of an optimal partner. This new level of awareness combined with a desire to be a better version of yourself in your relationships creates an environment primed to bring you closer to finding more ideal qualities in your key relationships.
When a relationship is just not progressing the way you envisioned and you are making the changes necessary to become a more ideal partner, consider that you may of skipped a step. In the case of moving energy “walking before you crawl” is the exception not the rule. It is important to assess if the relationship is not progressing because the risk is still too high for you and turning your focus to trust building activities. When people come together they generally have something in common. Hobbies, interests, DNA, and common goals. Most relationships get snagged when there has not been enough emphasis on trust building activities before getting involved in each other’s habitual activities of daily living which then breeds frustration and boredom instead of passion and adventure. Trust building activities are activities where one partner has more experience than the other and leads the adventure into the unknown or uncomfortable. These activities are vital to demonstrating safety, building trust and confidence, and displaying a level of vulnerability as a partner required to develop a deep connection.
Consider the strengths and weaknesses in your current relationships.
How many of these can be traced back to well developed common interests, hobbies, goals or strong family ties?
How many of these can be traced back to well developed trust building activities where you allowed yourself to be vulnerable and open to being led through uncomfortable experiences where you had to rely on someone else’s experience or knowledge?
Which relationships would benefit from a good dose of trust?
Prepare yourself for more deeply connected relationships by spending some time in the morning as you are waking and in the evening just before you drift off to dream land to use your imagination and visualize yourself as the ideal partner in each of your key relationships. Focus on as many details as you can develop paying special attention to your thoughts, emotions, and actions as the ideal partner. Let the emotions permeate each cell of your body and your thoughts to move to each part of your brain using your senses to fill in the details.
Plan activities that can be accomplished over the coming week which will provide opportunities for each member of the relationship to be the lead on an adventure where trust, confidence and vulnerability are demonstrated.
When you feel your past experiences creeping into your thoughts, gently let them go. Remind yourself what you are creating through the work to become an ideal partner and allow your mind to create new connections between experiences, emotions, images, words and actions using pictures and affirming statements.
Track your progress in a journal you have designated to compile evidence of your improvement. As you reflect don’t be shy about patting yourself on the back when you have moved closer to your optimal experience. Equally important is taking this opportunity to identify where you may improve further. Just like skin, healthy skin is revealed as dead skin cells slough off and with attention and care new skin cells regenerate to maintain a youthful and vibrant appearance. As you progress you slough off the old you, reveal the new you, and with care and attention you maintain a youthful vibrant life experience.
I am interested in your success in living your optimal lifestyle. I would love to hear about your successes, your failures, and your quandaries. Tweet @lyfemethod to share your experiences as you practice this new skill.
To your health, wealth, and success
Aristotle found that more than anything else sought by humans was happiness. Happiness is sought after for it’s own sake, other goals like health, wealth, and success are valued on the level of how much more happiness we will have.
“Happiness is not something that happens. It does not depend on outside events, but, rather on how we interpret them. Happiness… is a condition that must be prepared for, cultivated, and defended privately by each person” – Csikszentmihalyi
People who learn to control their inner experience are able to determine the quality of their lives and come as close to happiness as anyone can.
People get stuck living day to day and avoid getting excited about life. No one want to set themselves up for disappointment or failure. The majority are setting expectations and goals just within reach so that they don’t fail, too badly. I have been one of these people. I have felt grand disappointment and the heartache that follows. I have felt the depression, the anger, and the frustration of wanting more but it being seemingly out of reach.
Overwhelmed by life taking it a day at a time something inside of me called out saying that this is a big problem and that I had more potential, more to accomplish, more experience. My generous heart was wasting away becoming smaller and smaller each day. To avoid becoming as the Grinch who stole Christmas I set out to create a solution, not only for myself, but for others. I had found in my work in fitness that there were a lot of people who struggled to want for more because they felt restricted by what was.
After many years of research and practice on hundreds of people I found several trends in success and failure. I found that the brain, body, and internal soul all have their roles, and that there were practices out there that were being used separately, but when combined they were like super powers. The LYFE Method is a combination of these practices into one super power to solve problems that are overwhelming and turn them into building blocks for success.
In the LYFE Method we use a lot of imagination, pictures, and progressive behaviors in an order that matches the organic functions of all humans. The Method helps you to get ideas out of your head, onto paper, sort them out, make decisions about what you want to gain, discard the unnecessary parts, make plans, and implement strategies that accomplish what you want to accomplish in easy to manage action steps. The Method helps you to connect all of your activities to the desire of your heart.
The imagery that is used in the Method make your brain happy. Pictures help you think, make better decisions faster, help you to communicate your ideas, decisions and visions to those who can help you reach your goals. The Method can be used to make decisions, develop goals, and communicate in all areas of your life. When it is a mechanism that helps you to see where you are in your progression quickly giving you insight to what is happening in your internal and external world. You become better equipped to handle situations and resolve issues with others in constructive and positive ways.
Most of us are disorganized in one area or another inside or out. If you can imagine a closet packed with everything you didn’t want your company to see when they came over, added before each visit, but never unpacked this would represent the unorganized areas inside as well. We go through many situations that cause us to have feelings, thoughts, and actions that are stored and used as reference by our brains and every cell in our bodies. Life gets busy and we don’t clean out the closet and don’t create habits of keeping things up so that the house is ready for company without having to shove things into that closet in a back room. Soon the closet bulges, the door doesn’t close all of the way, soon stuff is stacked in front of the door, and soon no one cares if the company sees the mess and apathy creeps in. When the desire arises to take care of the situation it is overwhelming and takes a lot of internal motivation to get it done mainly because you are looking at the whole mess and not its parts.
When there is a part of your life that gets to be like this closet the LYFE Method helps you to approach the situation in a way that doesn’t put your system into overload beginning with processes taught on Sesame Street.
- Organize the parts using pictures and group them into senses, feelings, thoughts, and actions.
- Remove the parts that you won’t need to accomplish the project at hand.
- Visualize the finished and organized product.
- From the visualization identify how each of the senses, feelings, thoughts, and actions were used to create the desired result.
- Remove any senses, feelings, thoughts, and actions left in the groups that were not used.
- Reorganize the parts and assign them to their roles.
- In short three-step lists write down the actions that can be done weekly to complete the project.
- Evaluate your progress each week and make adjustments to your action lists until the project is complete.
Of course it takes the different tools and resources to complete different projects or different parts of the same project depending on how big the project is. The LYFE Method is taught in a series of progressive classes and workshops giving you instruction and practice with each of the tools so that you will have the ability to put them to work for you right away. Our intention is to provide tools and resources to people who are ready to make improvements to their life, optimize their lifestyle, and experience health, wealth and success.
Put a pin in that…..
Boy am I glad that the world did not come to an end. I was just gaining momentum. Good thing I didn’t buy stock in it or I would not have experience the breakthrough. Finally, freedom to live as if the world were to end tomorrow.
After spending some time underground (preparing for the end of the world… joking) I have emerged. I look forward to the new year and the health, wealth, and success available to me.
I am sharing the wealth of knowledge through a new class series called Evolve. Begin today, evolve your life, relationships, health and money using practical knowledge and conscious living practices that change the way you approach each day. Everyone can reach their dream when they live on purpose. Learn how to use the LYFE Method of approaching dreams and ideas and experience success daily. Getting back to the basics of solid goal setting and intentional living.
Next class (for women only): Tuesday, January 29th 6:00-9:00 12903 South 300 East, Draper, UT. Sponsored by WOMENOW.org (see the full schedule at facebook.com/womenow
I am looking forward to connecting with you. I invite you to be proactive and begin to attend the classes. See you there,
A few of my favorite things to streamline your online presence. Ping.fm, Seesmic.com, Tout.com, and Woobox.com.
Interpreting your experience is the way to circumvent feeling tossed around by life taking whatever comes along and just dealing with it. In creating successful life strategies one must be aware of one’s dreams and the role they play in the experience of everyday life. By integrating the dream with the business of life personal power is restored while the realization of dreams and goals flows into the practical experience of living increasing happiness and joy.
The premise for living big is to believe in our dreams and trust that we have the power as creators to bring those dreams down to earth and accomplish great things. We have a nature that lends it’s self to discovery through curiosity to know our purpose in life. As we act upon our dreams we discover clues to the answers of this question. The experiences we gain through our discovery shape the way we function in our lives. The nature of discovery is to uncover the unknown and causes us to experience fear or excitement, the basis for all ancillary feelings, which triggers thought and action. Our society is filled with so much information from so many sources that unless we are actively thinking about the true risk of any given situation our mind filters that information through our fight or flight mind where our actions are based upon survival. Living big is living beyond survival through thoughtful action to reach goals successfully.
Understanding the communication between ourselves and our world i the shortest distance to knowing how to modify our reality to align to our dreams, wishes, wants and desires. The four modes of functioning model is a powerful tool for interpreting and analyzing the feedback received throughout our experience. Conscious use of the model increases understanding, personal power, and successful results. The four modes of functioning are sensing, feeling, thinking and acting. Each mode of function operates in a constructive or destructive way.
To create SMASHing Life Strategies for 2012, use the Four Modes of Functioning model to interpret your experience. Set a timer for three minutes, respond quickly, let answers sit for a few days and repeat, notice what changed, add images to your writing. Remember this is about the process not the product. Using the conscious and subconscious parts of your mind allows you to gain insight and enhance your experience. Allow each mind to express its self on the page without expectation to maximize your experience.
Observe through Sensing. Take a look at the nine areas of balance and for each one, ask;
- What am I experiencing?
- What do I Sense? See? Feel? Think/Hear? Taste? Smell?
- Have I experienced this or something similar to this before?
Thinking Mode. Interpret the data.
- What do I believe about this experience?
- What do I judge about this experience?
- What do I believe about myself?
- What do I judge about myself?
- What do I hold back from doing because I believe this?
- Is what I believe true for all humankind?
- What would happen if I did not believe this about myself?
- What would be different if I didn’t believed this to be true?
Feeling Mode. Analyzing Cause of Action.
- How does it feel to believe this?
- What is the strongest emotion that I connect to this experience?
- What would I feel if this thought never existed? Have I ever felt that way in the past? If not, what do I imagine that feeling to feel like?
- Who would I be without_____?
- What does my response to this even tell me about my true nature, or purpose?
Acting Mode. Applying What You Have Learned.
- What have I learned?
- How will I apply what I have learned?
- What am I currently doing in this area?
- What is working and not working?
- What would be ideal? Have I experienced these results in the past? If not, what do I imagine ideal would be like?
- What would I get out of living this ideal? What would it do for me?
- What would it take to get a step closer to this ideal from where I am now?
- What resources do I have to help me reach the ideal?
December is a month of long night and shortened daylight hours. The Winter Solstice is an ideal time to slow down and reflect on the year before moving into the holidays filled with celebrations of gratitude and abundance. Reflection allows us to make peace with the past, gain clarity for the moment and build confidence in the future. Taking a cue from Mother Nature, the extended hours of darkness, expand your dreams beyond limitation. Where dreams expand so does the heart, the mind and the soul making space for the new things we desire as the New Year approaches.
Mediation begins with listening to the noise that surrounds us and releasing it as easily as it comes. Begin reflective meditation by noticing all that is going on in the mind, allowing thoughts to come and go. There may be thoughts that linger longer than others asking for more attention. There may be feelings in varying degrees of intensity that ride along with the thoughts. Notice all of that is connected to each thought or strings of thoughts. You may choose to write them down at this time or simply take notice, however, be aware of the serendipitous nature of the process, desire for the whole self to explore, gather and sort the information into useful material.
Using the process of exploration, gathering and sorting create a reflections page in your strategies journal (SMASH book) of those things that you found to be significant is similar to “kicking the tires” of your car before setting out on the road. Becoming familiar with the quirks of a vehicle before you take a long trip, (or a short one), allows you to enjoy the ride by reducing perceived risk making the journey more enjoyable and less stressful. In life, understanding how you process events and sort information will help you to create objectives, strategies and tactics to meet your goals with greater success, less stress, and enjoy the journey.
As the mind becomes increasingly still there is a temptation to fill it with new thoughts. Take a moment to let the system rest and reach beyond your perceived limits to retrieve inspiration. Listen to the breath of the body and the rhythm of the heart as your mind and body settles in and adjusts to the stillness. Consider the quiet to be the gift of peace to the whole soul offering it with gratitude for a job well done. As inspiration reveals it’s self the imagination will expand it into a dream. Follow the dream and expand it in all directions until you reach the boundaries of the dream, and then push it out even more. Experience the dream in as much detail as possible, interacting with the dream with all of the senses. Deepening the experience sends the mind and body to the fringe of reality where it will return with endless possibilities from which to realize the potential of the dream. Record this information in your strategies journal in vivid detail.
Sort the information you have brought back from the dream into categories, such as;
- Center/ Spirituality/ Self
- Creations/ Children/Homemaking
- Travel/ Service/ Declarations
- Work/ Career/ Activity
- Information/ Knowledge/ Self-Cultivation/ Culture
- Health/ Money/ Traditions/ Habits
- Wealth/ Abundance/ Distribution/ Growth
- Personal Power/ Security/ Longevity/ Integrity.
This is a springboard list to identify objectives, build strategies and implement tactics that will move you to realize the dream.
Emotional intelligence is an important aspect to the evolution of your inner rockstar.
Emotional intelligence or EI is not about being happy or sad but what you do when you are happy or sad and how you transition from emotion to emotion. Webster’s New World Dictionary describes intelligence as, “a) ability to learn or understand from experience: ability to acquire and retain knowledge; mental ability, b) use of the faculty of reason in solving problems, directing conduct, c)measured success in using these abilities.” According to PsychologyToday.com Dr. John D Mayer emotional intelligence is awareness of how we get from one emotion to another and how choose to get in and out of emotions. Dan Goleman, in his article, “Are Women More Emotionally Intelligent than Men?” says, “Emotional Intelligence has four parts: self-awareness, managing our emotions, empathy, and social skill.”
Emotional Intelligence is about actions taken upon an emotional event.
Successful men and women are equally emotionally intelligence contrary to popular opinion. There are many undefined human emotions. Experts have created a short list of 23 emotions that is seemingly applicable, easy to identify with and to use.
- Joy/ Knowledge/ Empowerment
- Hatred/ Rage
- Enthusiasm/ Eagerness/ Happiness
- Insecurity/ Guilt
- Positive Expectations/ Belief
- Frustration/ Irritation/ Impatience
- Fear/ Grief/ Depression/ Despair / Powerlessness
Proficiency in emotional control comes from practice like learning to drive a car.
Remember learning to read with flashcards? You learned to identify a car by its illustrated picture symbol on the flashcard with the letters c-a-r in bold type beneath it. Each time you rode in a car you were reminded of this symbol word connection. After what probably seemed like an eternity you were able to take driver’s education. With practice in simulators and on the road you learned how to drive. The challenges of learning the visual landmarks that identified our route home, to school, or your favorite hangout was overcome in time. It was only a matter of time before you became proficient in our driving skills and could successfully drive while thinking about other things besides the mechanics of driving. Emotional intelligence comes with practice and with practice comes proficiency. After a short while new emotional connections and desired responses to events will become automatic.
The key is to slow the process down enough to identify with each emotion.
People move through several emotions at a time as they sort an event. Is not reasonable to expect to go from depression to joy seamlessly. However, it is reasonable to move effectively from depression to say, discouragement or even anger.
Emotional Intelligence can be improved in three easy steps.
- Notice how you are feeling right now.
- Identify a feel that you desire more than the one you are currently feeling.
- Remember a time when you felt the desired feeling or imagine what it would feel like and soak in as much detail as you can paying close attention to the details. Remain in the desired feeling as long as possible as often as possible until it has become your current feeling.
Emotions can be a guide to how to evaluate events and empower our choices about how we respond.
Just like flashcards are effective in learning how to read and understand our world through language; emotional awareness is effective in learning how to use our emotions as a guide to understanding our responses to events.
Related PsychologyToday.com Links:
What Emotional Intelligence is and is not http://www.psychologytoday.com/collections/201111/what-is-your-emotional-iq/what-emotional-intelligence-is-and-is-not
Are Women More Emotionally Intelligent Than Men? http://www.psychologytoday.com/collections/201111/emotional-intelligence/are-women-more-emotionally-intelligent-men
What is Your Emotional Intelligence? http://www.psychologytoday.com/collections/201111/what-is-your-emotional-iq/which-you-which-intelligence
“There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action; and because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique. If you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. You must keep that channel open. It is not for you to determine how good it is, nor how valuable, nor how it compares with other expressions. It is for you to keep it yours, clearly and directly.”
— Martha Graham
At the beginning of LYFE Empowered 2.0, February 2011 my objective was to live big to give big. I am an advocate of volunteerism and have been a volunteer for many years. When I was raising my children I had the opportunity to be on several committees in my community.I was involved on a city, school, and neighborhood level engaged in various ways that brought value to my community.
Having my fingers in so many pies I found that I was also engaged in conversations with the curious and the furious everywhere I went. I endulged the curious and to the furious I would often ask.”When can I pick you up on Tuesday for the next City Council meeting?” or, “I have several places I could use you, can I put you down as a volunteer?” These questions often closed the conversation quickly and rarely did I ever see anyone at a City Council meeting or recruit a new volunteer.
It is always easier to complain than it is to dig in and possibly make a change….. or is it?
How do you begin to make the change that only you can make? It is simple. The biggest changes begin close to home. Schools, local organization, charities, and communities are always looking for people interested in trading a little time to make a small difference. Every bit counts.
- What are you passionate about?
- Where are you already spending the most time? Work, School, Church, Government Offices, Parks or recreation outlets?
- Where do you see opportunity for the most improvement?
- What are three things you can do in the next seven days that will move you closer to having an impact on this environment? Consider your resources; who, what, and where. Who do you people you know? What do you have to give? What resources do you have in the area where you would like to see the change?
- On a scale of one to ten, rank these three things based upon how important they are for you to complete. If any of them fall below a five, re-evaluate your tactics.
- Take action on your plan. Make the time, the calls, and put the resources together that will move you closer to accomplishing your objective.
And so, with the season of giving in full swing and the time for a new year’s resolution right around the corner, I encourage and challenge you to consider these things and how you will make a the difference only you can make.
Live Big to Give Big,
Resources to get you started: (google is a beautiful thing)